Laughter is great medicine, and stress will age you prematurely. Serious times call for serious preps, but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at the enemy as we get ready.

This letter is a satirical creation mocking the recent publicity at Google, which I previously covered. Of course, part of the problem with the leftists is that things are becoming so outlandish you can’t even do satire anymore, because it ends up coming true. How long until the actions in this memo come true?

…In order to retain their positions, all Google employees must assent to the following two Statements of Fact:

1) For the purposes of employee non-discrimination policy, there is no such thing as a male brain or a female brain. Any suggestion to the contrary is rank bigotry.

2) For the purposes of transgender policy, each person’s brain is either male or female. Any suggestion to the contrary is rank bigotry.

Perhaps the first reaction of some of you will be that the two statements above cannot both be true. That is Western, patriarchal, non-intersectional thinking. Such thinking is merely a sign that your brain has not been fully Googleized. Accepting the truth of what used to be called “mutually exclusive propositions” can be difficult for the uninitiated, who bitterly cling to outdated ideas. But once you internalize contradictions, affirming the logically impossible becomes easier and easier every day. As an exercise in proper thinking, I myself assent to at least three impossible contradictions every day before breakfast.

I am also pleased to announce the creation of a new employee committee that we are calling Keep Getting Better (KGB). Members of the KGB are tasked with coming up with new and improved ways in which Google can advance its diversity program, with a special emphasis on maintaining proper thoughts at all times.

As Vice President of New Thinking, Weliks Talin, has said many times: to build an ideal world, we must purge ourselves of non-ideal people. Google is committed to purging every day. Are you?

The whole thing is quite entertaining. Give it a read if you’d like some laughs.

Bonus

I just saw this the other day on a ZeroHedge article.

Which of the following comes to mind first?

  • Hoo-yah!
  • [Team America theme song]
  • Maybe a change of foreign policy would be good for us…
  • Can I get that for my Range Bag?